1. ‘Well, this is the new normal, right?’
They know. We know. We’ve been saying it for atleast a year now. If there’s nothing one can do to change it, one must not comment on it.
2. ‘You’re not really closing at 10pm/12pm, are you?’
Yes, they are, as long as the government tells them to. Risking a fine just isn’t worth serving our buzzed selves the 5th Spritzer.
3. ‘Do you think we’ll have another lockdown this year?’
Their crystal ball works just as well as ours does. Meaning, how the hell should they know.
4. ‘What do you mean I’m not allowed to enter without a test/ vaccination passport? I’m healthy.’
As we all know, one cannot tell if a person has ‘Roni by just looking at them. Waiters and waitresses are simply following the rules set by the government so, hopefully, they can stay open and keep doing their jobs.
5. ‘Does a picture of the test I took this morning at home count too?’
No – and you already knew that, didn’t you, you cheeky little rascal? There’s simply no way to prove you really took that test today and if you took it correctly. We tried that fun party trick ourselves and it also didn’t work.
6. ‘You must be happy to be back.’
Yes, just as every other person who interacts with customers on a daily basis (and yes, there is a high level of sarcasm present in this line).
7. ‘You must have enjoyed your 8 months break.’
Yeah – financial uncertainty and having nothing to do for days on end must have been a blast.
8. ‘Can I have ketchup, mustard and mayonnaise on my Käsekrainer?’
What the? They’ve survived a pandemic to serve such abominations – we don’t think so!
9. ‘Have you forgotten how to serve?’
Maybe. Maybe they never knew. Maybe they’re new at the game. But has a person who asks this question forgotten social etiquette and how not to be a ass in public?
10. ‘Where did all the old staff go?’
We assume they got another job to not starve, or something. Just an assumption though.
11. ‘Your legs must hurt again.’
Who doesn’t enjoy it when strangers/ customers point out your pain.
12. ‘You don’t have to check me, I’ll give you my number either way.’
Oh, inappropriate flirting with the waiting staff – a classic.
13. ‘Have you missed me?’
No offense but – probably not.