1. When you commit the serious crime of walking on the bike path
We can already hear the angry cyclists aggressively ringing their bells in our heads.
2. When you ask for a Tüte instead of a Sackerl at the Supermarket
Don’t. Just don’t. For your own safety – don’t.
3. When you ask for a Brötchen instead of a Semmel at the bakery
Equally as bad as the aforementioned linguistic faux pas in Austria.
4. When you visit a Viennese coffeehouse and ask the waiter for oat milk (or anything else for that matter)
We’re talking the traditional coffeehouses here. It’s changing and there’s no so many of those infamous grumpy waiters in Vienna anymore, but they do still exist and if you ask them for anything, expect a good dose of grant.
It’s like they put ‘has to be grumpy and annoyed ALL THE TIME’ in the job description for waiters.
5. When you have some friends over for a little house party and turn up the music a bit too much
We’re not talking double digit decibels here. Even if the music is a little too loud after 10pm sharp, you’ll have your neighbours banging on your door, telling you to shut the f*** up. That, or they’ll just call the police and let them unleash the grant for them.
6. When you’re talking too loud on your phone on the tram or in the U-Bahn
You can literally feel the annoyed stares burning through your skin when you’re guilty of this. Silence is somehow a thing in public transport in Vienna.
7. When you stand on the left side of an escalator
This is a sacred rule of the underground: stand right, walk left. Don’t ever break it, or you’ll attract the wrath of your fellow commuters.
8. When you have the audacity of walking too slow on the street
You might hear others grumpily muttering as they hastily squeeze through the tightest places to overtake you.
9. When you have to do anything at one of the MA (municipal department) offices
We don’t know what it is, but most of the civil servants that work in the city’s offices just seem to be generally pissed off, in general.
10. When you don’t immediately accelerate and start driving as soon as the traffic light turns green
If you don’t go the millisecond it switches, be prepared to be battered by angry honks. We don’t get this – we’ve never felt the power of honking another driver.
11. When you’re unwittingly blocking somebody’s way when they’re trying to get off of the U-Bahn, or bus
The passive aggressive, ‘Steigen Sie aus?!’ in this situation can pretty much be translated to, Get the fuck out of my way?!’
12. When some random older person doesn’t like how your child is behaving and decides to tell you all about it in a way that feels like you’re being the one told off
13. From a Viennese waiter when you order ketchup with your Schnitzel
Kind of a faux pas in these parts of the world.
14. When you’re at the supermarket and you accidentally jump the queue
You know those situations when you’re in your own world, and you think you’ve joined the back of the queue for the Kassa, but somebody tells you in a super aggressive way that you actually haven’t while pointing down an aisle to the actual end of the queue. It was an honest mistake!
15. When you cross the street on a red light
We’ve had a guy give us a 5 minute lecture on why we shouldn’t walk over the street when a light is red and when we asked him why it makes him so angry he replied: ‘Well, it will be my tax money paying for your hospital treatment if you end up getting hit by a car!’